I Think I Almost Saw A Ghost

British culture - among others - has discovered social media 'ghosting', the act of ending all communication with someone by ceasing contact for seemingly no apparent reason.  (Why yes, I did rearrange the definition of this term from a popular search engine so that I wouldn't have to reference it). 

I have it on good authority that having this done to you is pretty crap.  My source informs me that actually, it's damn cold.  This...friend can no longer fathom the human race and its motives sometimes.  However, as she realises that all things happen for a reason (in a cause and effect sense), she believes that the lack of explanation from the ghoster is probably the strangest aspect of ghosting.  So she's going to explore why it might be that an individual may come to abandon correspondence with another person and offer no clarification as to why.

I have the feeling that you, like myself, have grown tired of this thin and frankly useless veil of mine.  It is me.  I am the friend. I am the friend whose friend has fucked off with no rhyme or that other thing.  

At this point I should probably add that it is not as if we all have time to keep up with every last person we ever meet on this good green Earth.  Social media has made it a little harder to leave things of the past in the past, but we cannot all be expected to never move on from one stage of life into another.  However, there is a very big difference between contact flailing naturally and  a sudden, sharp stop to a flowing, thriving relationship.  

Thus we come to reason number one, the most obvious of all.  The ghoster has died and become an actual ghost.  Unlikely, given he was online two days ago.  

Reason number two, the ghoster does in fact, suffer from crippling shyness and has only just remembered this having exchanged hundreds of messages already. 

Reason number three, they have happened upon something they personally find deeply unattractive about you, but rather than coming clean (hahaha I am a child), or try to find a way around it, they just decide that being a naff human being is somehow the better option.  Also they have little to no respect for you.

Reason number four, they may have had a bad experience before with relationships, and having realised that your blossoming friendship may come to something more, they become terrified and decide that hopping overboard is preferential to sticking around on your shared, slippery deck. (Also they have little to no respect for you).

Reason number five, they have an awful lot going on in their life.  They are a real Bruce Almighty character with too many people to talk to and not enough time to talk to them.  Although Bruce did at least have the courtesy to send out a mass response of simply 'yes'.  Not sure if this would be better or worse than silence to be honest... 

'Hey, haven't heard from you in a while, I miss our chats.  Hope everything is okay xx'

'Yes.'

There does seem to be a common denominator here.  In every case the ghoster does not deem you worthy enough of a message. One message.  Just one, explaining where they're at.  Is that someone to worry over?  Obviously not.  But it is a little weak to say the least.  More and more I am beginning to find that even if something has become a feature of our culture - ghosting, putting every good inch of our lives on Facebook, a general sense of entitlement - that does not make it okay.  It is not an excuse or a reason and it is not enough to simply blame it on the fact that a lot of other people do it.  How we behave is a result of the way we think, and yeah, I do believe we need to be a tad more pro-active in that regard.  

So if someone ghosts you, it is actually more reflective of their own dwindling standards than it is of you as a person.  

As always, whilst I have my own conclusions I would like to find out other perspectives on this topic also, so please let me know your thoughts!

P.S Curiously, about an hour after I wrote this the ghoster contacted me after two weeks of radio silence.  I replied with a short, perfunctory message cos whilst I aint rude I aint interested either! Oh San-ap!

Author: Abi